How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
