I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
