Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
