she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
