Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
