1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
