Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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