If you die in college, do you die in real life?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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