My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
