is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
