There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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