Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
