I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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