I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
