You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Found the puke drawer
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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