i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
