note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
