well you can't waste a boner
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This is my gift to your gina
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
