If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
