this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
