you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
