One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
