I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
