you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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