Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
