phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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