I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
