I'm jealous of your bromance
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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