yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
