I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
