so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
