you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
