Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
