I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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