saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
