someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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