So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
