Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
