a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
