All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
