Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
