New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I wear drunk well.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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