My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The chlamydia really affected his face.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
