somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
