I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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