Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
