What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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