It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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