apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
