I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
