dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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