just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
