my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
